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 What
Are Parents Thinking?!
By Diane Gudat
Too many Alexas and Allisons, ’prodigy’ 2-year-olds,
sleep-deprived zombies— c’mon, parents, give us a break!
Sometimes I sit in the studio at the end of a particularly
long day and think, “Are there other dance teachers out there
with the same problems I have with parents?” At workshops and
conventions, groups of teachers gather in corners to discuss
these nagging struggles. For those of you who feel like you
are suffering alone, let me recap a few of my own parental pet
peeves. I’ll bet they will ring a bell with a lot of you!
1)
Why is everyone named Alexandra?
Last season I had a class in which nearly every girl had a
name that was a derivative of Alexandra—like Lexie, Allie,
Alexa, or Alexis—or was named Allison. (There were three.) The
only one with a different name was Victoria, and she
asked me to call her Susan. Her progressive parents felt it
was her choice. From that day forward, I called her Tori. Yet
another class contained two Lindseys (one with an “a” and one
with an “e”).
There were also two Kaylas, a Kiley, a Kaley, a Cori, and one
very precocious curly-haired Tallulah. Come on, parents, there
are lots of names out there! Give us a break!
2)
I have spent countless hours on the phone with parents who
want to register their 2- and 3-year-olds for a dance class
worthy of their advanced talents.
My favorite parental registration quotes include “My daughter
loves to dance with Ellen,” “My daughter just cannot sit still
when there is music playing; she entertains us by the hour!”
and “Her gymnastics teacher and swimming coach moved her into
the advanced classes.” But my all-time favorite comment has to
be this: “She has already had two years of experience in tap,
ballet, and jazz and now we are looking for something more
serious.” (Remember, these children are 2!)
It is not that I have anything personal against 2- and
3-year-olds in dance class, but let’s get realistic. Everybody
dances with Ellen and no healthy 2-year-old sits still when
music plays. No 2-year-old has experience with anything that
lasts more than 15 minutes.
Dance for little ones should be fun, organized playgroups that
introduce them to the wonderful world of dance and new dance
friends. There is a throne in heaven for every preschool dance
teacher and a rhinestone pair of wings for those who
return these phone calls and schedule preschoolers into class.
3)
While we are on the subject of small children, I have a few
more requests. One, please quit waking them up from their
nap in the car right before dance class. It is hard to start
class on a happy note with two or three grouchy, sleepwalking
zombies in the circle.
Two, we are not kidding about taking them to the bathroom
before class. Mopping the floor takes a huge chunk of time out
of class and can really embarrass the child. And three, if you
drop a Cheerio on my lobby carpet, please pick it up before it
is ground into dust and sticks to the empty juice box you left
under the benches last week.
4)
Here is a touchy subject—costumes! Parents moan that
they never fit. Unless they are custom made (and the parents’
wallets would surely know the difference), costumes will
either be too small or, if you are lucky, too big. Jazz pants
and unitards will always be long enough to fit a baby giraffe.
And yes, they actually do cost that much. If parents could see
my living room during the months of March, April, and May,
they would know that I am doing my best to get the costumes
out of my house. After recital this year I am planning a
therapeutic burning of the more than 60 catalogs that are
stacked on the floor next to my sofa. Maybe we could make this
a national event for teachers around the country.
By the way, you teachers who actually sew your own costumes—stop
it! You are making the rest of us look bad and torturing
yourself. Get with the catalogs! I will send you my
duplicates.
5)
Next on the list are the parents who want their children moved
up to a higher-level class.
No class seems advanced enough for them. Some of the most
common remarks from parents are: “I don’t know if I can get
her to come back to that class level again. She has already
learned that stuff!” and “She was the best one in the recital
dance! That other girl messed up and she got moved up
to the next level.” And don’t forget these great reasons: “She
has piano on Tuesdays and gymnastics on Thursdays, so she
needs that Wednesday advanced class,” and “Her next-door
neighbor is in that class and she wants to be with her.” I ask
these parents if, when their pediatrician prescribes one
medicine, they insist that the pharmacist give them something
better. We are not pulling names out of a hat here! We are
trained professionals!
6)
This brings me to my next pet peeve, which I like to call
“sandwich classes.”
These children are leaving soccer early to get to dance class
“just a little bit” late. They then want to leave dance class
“a few minutes” early to make it to art class. The parent’s
excuse is usually something like this: “She just can’t decide
what she wants to do, and this will only happen for the next
three months.” These same little dancers usually have ketchup
on their faces from finishing their Happy Meal as they walk
into class, and their leotards are on backward because they
changed their clothes in the car. They are often
barefoot—their dance shoes are in their father’s car because
he picked them up from art class last week.
Parents, you are not building superkids. You are not going to
miss some amazing talent and neglect the hidden gold medalist
in your child. Your children are confused and exhausted. You
are frazzled and ready to attack the first dance teacher you
see. So here is an idea—leave the kids at home and come take
the dance class yourself. You will have a great time! You know
you have always wanted to or are wishing you had never
quit—that’s why most of you bring us your children anyway.
7)
Parents, if we send home a flyer with a misspelling, please do
not tell us!
Getting those newsletters together on time is one of the
toughest things we do. And do not call the studio to see if
the information in the flyer is true. For example: “Sallie
just brought home a flyer that says her group has a rehearsal
on Saturday at 10:00. Is that true? Could you please call me
back before 5:00 to confirm? I checked the website and it also
says Saturday at 10:00 but we’ve been out of town and missed
last week’s rehearsal and our computer has been acting up so,
I just wanted to check. Her dad will need to bring her, so she
will probably be late. I will wait for your call if you really
need her there.”
8)
And finally, deadlines are deadlines.
That is why the word “dead” is in the expression—if you miss
it, you are dead! If we ask for something on Wednesday, we
actually needed it on Monday. If you bring it in on Friday we
are both in trouble! For some reason, there is always one
person in each class who cannot seem to return anything on
time. I end up chasing them into the parking lot and leaving
untold messages on the family phone to get what we need
anywhere near on time. And please, do not postdate checks. We
are just not that organized. We will cash them early and they
will bounce, and you will be upset. Is there anyone else in
the world who will accept a postdated check? Most of us are
now changing to automatic withdrawal systems, and can you
blame us?
If these complaints sound familiar, maybe you could
strategically place this issue of Dance Studio Life in
your studio lobby, open to this article. Not that it will
help, but it might make you feel better. Just know that you
are not alone!
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